Europe | Turkey | Istanbul – The End
I know I’m a little bit late. On the way back to Istanbul, I thought about what I was leaving behind and I wanted to write this last page as soon as possible. But after my return I was ill. Then I took time to be with my friends and family and for the preparations of the new year at school. In a few days it will be one month since my return and I think this page will be different from the one that I planned before. Just be prepared to read something different this time. You won’t find a historical site, an curious place or any adventure beetween these lines. Here will be written just the things discovered in my mind and in my heart after all I lived in Tekirova.Don’t say that I didn’t warn you!
You all know that I was pretending to stay in Tekirova two months at least.But there were problems in my department. At the beginning I tried to be optimist and make things better. It didn’t work. So at the end of August I told to the director that I would leave 15th of September. And the 13th I told them I was leaving that night. And I did just quit the job that way.Was I right? I don’t know. Should I wait the 15th? I don’t think so.
To be honest, even I adore travelling and feeling the freedom in the heart, I’ve passed so hard times in the 2 last years of my life that I’ve became completely weak and very dependant on my parents and my boyfriend before leaving Istanbul. In difficult times my best friends could not be there for me,neither me I couldn’t be there for them. They were away from me since the day we entered to different universities. This summer after four years passed we’ve all grown up in some way, and decided to repare our relationships and I was happy but it wasn’t enough for the moment. I was thinking that even with the most close people to me I couldn’t be close enough and I wouldn’t imagine myself far from the ones who at least was really loving me. I was also worrying about my family. What would they do without me? Could they live until the day I’d be back? Very depressive I know.
Anyway, I didn’t let myself going on with all these fears and I went to Antalya. I needed money, I wanted to take my chance to travel and the most;I knew that I needed to be by myself. The first days, I was insecure but also hopeful. Then the problems started. Some of the people who already working there, wouldn’t accept the new ones coming so easily, and the real life was there again. But what happened to surprise me? I realised that I could find people to care. My roommate Tash was working with me and after a few difficult days with each other too we started to talk.But to really talk, to listen and to understand. It was amazing because I’ve been missing a real friendship for a while.
Days were passing. Sometimes I was thinking that I couldn’t stay even one hour more but then I was talking with someone that I like, or just hear a beautiful thing. In the meanwhile, I was trying to plan the most enjoyable daily trip for my off day. The biggest chance was that the region was full of history, natural beauties, and the charm of vacation places. I started to do all I was missing when I was in Istanbul. Fresh fruits, water sports(not so much), walks in fresh air, meeting new people every day, time to stay in the room doing nothing, just thinking and talking to Tash, writing to my friends, living a special and inspiring day at least once a week, and even studying Russian.
My mother came to stay there for work a couple of days. And I was pleased to see her face when she heard that I was speaking russian:)
The problems haven’t ended,and they became even worse. And in the day of 13th I just saw that there was nothing left to do there (of my part). So I said everything I had to and I quit the job. And I was happy. Why? Because I wasn’t afraid, I was feeling strong enough to stay,but I was feeling also strong enough to quit. And I also found out that I’ve lived an enormous adventure. I, not curiously realised that I wouldn’t want to come back to Istanbul. To all this noise, pollution, crowd, problems, people suffering of economical crise, all the unsolvable problems of the big city. But I also saw that at the end my pesimistic ideas face to face with the real life turned to be optimistic but realistic ones. I was ready to leave back a part of my childhood(not all), and to give new chances to my relationships and my life to be true, strong and as beautiful as I can.
I couldn’t do all I wished ,that’s true. But I opened the door for me to do them.
This is the real end of this diary. Just check it out in a few weeks to see the photos ; if you’re interested of course. But I hope you are…