Europe | Germany | South | Heidelberg – winter thoughts…

Europe | Germany | South | Heidelberg – winter thoughts…

heidelberg, under all that damn cold (but pretty) snow

So, as the winter has came upon us heidelbergers and slowed down the tourists and people, life has also taken on a new pace… Slow, simple, and reflective. I have spent the last month doing a lot of reading, thinking, and writing. Mainly reviewing the last four months of Germany–things I have seen, people I have met, and choices I have made. And somehow, in all this time and silence, I have came to a lot of conclusions about life. Looking back at the girl that arrived in Heidelberg, I can´t help but smile and laugh to myself about how little she knew, yet how much she thought she did. I remember thinking I would come here, master the language, see the world, and return, victorious to the life I had left behind the same girl I was, yet a year older. Now i see the truth of those foolish dreams. I came here, but there is no way i will ever master the language, but I can improve daily. And I have seen a lot of cool places and experienced some life-changing things, but I have a long way to go to have seen the world. And, I realized that I will not return to the world I left, because it is a part of my past. I will return to a few people who are still a part of my life, but no longer my world… And I am a bit older, but a lot more wiser.

I have went back and read my online journal and my personal one (that has the scandelous ones I don´t want anybody to ever know about, but I won´t let myself ever forget:) and the girl that started it on the plane is gone. Her ideas, her fears, her plans in life, her “friends,” all gone. But, that is not a negative thing. There were times in the last four months when I made shoddy decisions and did things I regreted, whether with situations, people, or relationships. There were also times that I didn´t speak up when I should have, when I didn´t have the courage to defend myself or my views, and I stayed silent. That is almost worse than when I said the wrong thing. But, in these moments when I realized the reprocussions, I learned more than any textbook could teach me. And THAT is what this is all about…

Things have been changing these past few weeks, a new season has come upon the AJYers and the germans. It is a stark contrast to the time when we all arrived here last summer. But, it is a neat and special season to experience, within myself and the dear friends I have grown to love and hate like family. I feel like I finally have a grasp on what I want in life, what I don´t, and what I am still really confused about. There have been changes in my personal life that have not been easy. Old chapters are finally being closed, and i know it is time. But I never thought closing a chapter would be so hard, how it changes everything in a heartbeat. And, I have opened a new chapter that excites me, although I have no idea where it may lead… But that´s where faith comes in, i guess…

It seems like I have done so much thinking and writing in my personal journal, that I have forgotten about this one. Hopefully, I will pull my head out of my arsch and stay up-to-date:) But I will be back in the states in eight days, and that scares the daylights out of me. But, dear friend, that is a journal in itself:)
bis dann…

Category : Europe | Germany | South | Heidelberg , Uncategorized