Europe | Germany – Relief

Europe | Germany – Relief

I feel such relief after days like today. The AJY group travelled to a nearby town, Schwetzingen, to visit the palace there. We spent the day walking the gardens, they were amazing and overwhelming, it was like they never ended. Whenever I though man couldn´t make anything more beautiful, I would turn a corner and be proven wrong…

I set on the lake in the gardens this afternoon and did a lot of thinking.. I was so relaxed for the first time in a long time. The big DSH exam is over, and I am done with the AJY grammar and cultural course… It is a big relief, although I don´t know if i passed the DSH or not… But i tried my hardest, and according to my mom, that is all that matters:)

It is days like today that I can´t imagine going back to the states. Things just make sense here. Here, i just ‘get it,’ things are in perspective, and I don´t feel any need to return to Oregon.. Tomorrow will be one month. Where has the time gone?

I had to pay a bill today for my phone, it was a lot of money for just two weeks. And at first, i needed to call, I needed to check in for me… But i realized I don´t need to anymore. Now, if I call, it is to make sure everyone else is doing okay and they don´t need anything…. Because people back home don´t need me anymore, I can let them go. My mom is subbing again and my parents are doing square dancing, it is not like they have a lot of time to miss me. My sister is going to grad school, working full time, and being a wife. My brother is in Kyrgestan in the Peace Core, he definitely is not missing me.. And my girls back home, well, the truth is maybe they never needd me, I just thought they did..

And today I had a breakthrough here… I was really upset about something, and the tears came, I couldn´t stop them. And I didn´t find a phone to call somebody back home, I didn´t even run to the computer to send an email.. I´m done trying to be a part of a world I left behind. And so I cried, at first alone, walking the streets of Germany, hurting, and I found myself here at the AJY center.. I walked up the stairs and just let it out.. and there were people here for me. Sarah had ironically bought a tub of ice cream, some chocolate, and chocolate milk… And Sarah, Lisa and me dug into the ice cream together and polished it off… I have poeple here now, I just didn´t see it.. I know I am going to be okay here, even when times get tough, as I know they do.. Because now I finally understand these things, I can really make this life mine.. And here and now is a great place to be…

I´m scard, I´m excited, and I´m grateful for the secrets Heidelberg is sharing and waiting to share for me.. I am moving on…

But I have to go now, although I could type forever… Stef is taking me out dancing tonight… There´s nothing like going out on a date with a german, it is a different world:)

Category : Europe | Germany , Uncategorized