Asia | India – EVIL DOGS OF SKUM

Asia | India – EVIL DOGS OF SKUM

3rd April – Pushkar, Rajasthan, India

Well cripes, what an eventful/uneventful night that was! My lil’ friend Franzi, a very lovely girl I met from Austria was ‘supposedly’ arriving by bus from Delhi early this morning at around 3.00am. I did not fancy the idea of her turning up on her own, having to plod her way though the alleyways and waiting for somewhere to open up, so decided I would go and meet her.

I set my ipod to fly into action at 2.45am and tried to get out of my guest house. This proved harder than I had planned. Firstly, I would have to try and break out of the front door. An iron gate was locked firmly in place, held by a vast padlock. Nice to know you would be safe in a fire! No one was about, so tried using my key for the lock they gave me for my room. Surprise it worked… Indian locks!!! I escaped and plodded off into the alleyways of the night.

I always find walking around India at night slightly on the shady side, mainly due to the packs of stray dogs that seem to run wild around the place. Now I’m not overly keen on dogs at the best of times. Find them slightly on the hassling, noisy and smelly side, am definitely a cat person. However, the dogs in India (well at least in the day time) are very different. It’s as if they (and the abundance of cows roaming the street) have all been injected with ketamine, most of the time quite content in lying there with some kind of far off look on their face like they have drank too many bang lassi’s!

At night however, they turn into bloody silly buggers, vast packs of the things rampage about. In the day, the town belongs to the people, at night, it’s ruled by the dogs!

With this in mind, I slowly ambled my way through the twisting streets, past empty temples and rubbish left out for the cows/dogs to munch on. I came round the corner into a small courtyard. Around six or seven dogs were sleeping, except one who spotted me.

This resulted in it jumping up and barking, which then woke the others up. They went mental, growling, running at me, running around me, jumping up at me. Me being completely alone, bottom winking big time!

I’ve worked out after this has happened previously a few times to ‘not look scared’, look straight ahead, and keep walking. After following me for a while, I managed to clear free of their area. I kept walking, all be it slightly quicker!

The only flaw now, was that every dog in Pushkar had been rudely awakened to the alarms of, ‘there’s some kind of stalker/burglar/sex pest roaming their streets. I rounded the next corner to another opening, only to be confronted by a whole pack of the beasties, this time going absolutely mad. They ran straight at me, around me in circles, snarling, gnashing. Again I kept walking, my best Burt Reynolds look on my face, trying to show them I was not shitting it!

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in the back of my legs, one of the scoundrels has bitten me! Cripes I thought, this is going to start a trend, I’m going to be savaged. The only thing left of me tomorrow would be a bloody stump, gradually being sucked away by a group of space cows. It’s all fun and games until you lose a leg!

I spun round, lifting my book above my head (don’t quite know what I was expecting to do with it, in the dark), and ran towards them shouting. This seemed to work slightly. I then had to walk backwards, shouting and waving my arms around, looking a bit ‘special’, until the dogs got fed up and went off to find something/one else to harass.

I finally made it like this all the way to the safety of the bus station (well dirt track surrounded by wooden shacks selling Chai / triangles, which were all shut). I sat down with a bunch of Indian and started the ‘what’s your name, what country, are you married’, and waited for the bus to arrive. I was still sitting there at six in the morning, leg hurting like buggery…

Other than a madman who proceeded to shout at me for a while, until the others got up and shouted at him (had visions of a night ruckus), all was pretty uneventful. I grabbed a lift home on the back of a motorbike (with two others on) and headed home for a well earned nap. I thought to myself, I would wake up, hobble my way to the hospital and get myself a rabies injection.

Franzi best be grateful for this noble, pillar of the community act I was doing for her. I’m thinking her, a friend or two, a wrestling ring, and a lot of mud!


Crikey, I’ve just got back from the hospital and am feeling rubbish. The Doctor gave me two injections, one in my arm, the other in my arse, and I have to go back to repeat this another 4 times! I’ve now go a dead leg, arm, and arse!! Feeling on the dizzy side also, not to mention a lot poorer… rubbish!

I’m now adding to the above naked mud wrestling foolery something involving cheerleaders!

Category : Asia | India , Uncategorized